The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
