He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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