I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
