i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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