Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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