The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
