just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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