had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
