and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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