Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
