I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So vagazzling was a success
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
