why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
