Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
