One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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