fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
