What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
