Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
