Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
