oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
