Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
this beer tastes like vomit already
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
