At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
