just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
