you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
