i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Princesses don't give blow jobs
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
