So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
