Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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