my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
