I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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