Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize