Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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