im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
