Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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