Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
