well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
