You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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