i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
