do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
