Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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