In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
