love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
