This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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