now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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