maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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