My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
