We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
