I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
