After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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