Your dad touched me again.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize