why didn't you poke me back
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
