so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
