I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
