Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You're a waste of cheezeits
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
