How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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