What a fucking waste of an outfit
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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