You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
