I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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