and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
