No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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