is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize