They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
