Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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