I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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