Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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