I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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